Honesty.

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My social media has been covered up with talks of sexual assault and “locker room talk.” I thought that now would be a good time to address it if I ever were going to in public. I’ve never really talked about my experiences. Not for fear of rejection or embarrassment. I just don’t really like talking to people… and this would kind of force me to.

I have been sexually assaulted. Multiple times. I’ve always thought of myself as lucky because it’s never escalated to a point that I couldn’t get away from. Then I realized: if I feel lucky simply because I haven’t been beaten and raped… possibly murdered, what does that say about our society?

The first time it happened, I was at a bar with friends. I hadn’t been drinking because I was the DD, but I was waiting on my date to come out from the restroom. Someone came up on me from behind, grabbed me, and said, “Mmm.. girl that ass makes me want to do something,” I quickly moved away and the guy went to pursue me further before my date came out of the room. The stranger slipped away when I looked back at my date. I wasn’t sure what to do, but I just moved on with my life. I thought he may have been drunk… or maybe he thought that I was someone else. I was young and foolish.

The next time, I was having a party at my house. Several of my coworkers and friends were over, and we were all having a grand ole time. One of my coworkers had previously flirted with me, but I didn’t really think anything of it. I had no interest in him, and honestly, I didn’t really feel like his interest lay much further than the reaches of a bed. He followed me up to my room when I went to grab something and began kissing me. I pushed him away, but he pulled me close again and shoved his tongue down my throat and began groping me. I shoved him harder and told him to leave. “Luckily” for me, he did.

Another time, couldn’t be explained away by alcohol, because it was coworker at another job a couple years later. He asked me to step outside with him (which wasn’t unusual since there was storage out back). Once we were outside, he pressed me up again the wall, kissed me, and slid his hand down in between my legs. I told him to stop, and he told me that I flirted with the other guys, why wouldn’t I let him do things to me. He kissed me again and began to unbuckle my belt, and I tried to get away. I finally pushed hard enough to break contact and moved quickly away from him. I told him I wanted nothing to do with him or that ever again. I wasn’t sure what to do because out of the times before this, I hadn’t really considered them as someone I could trust and respect. He was supposed to be. That day, he lost my respect, but more than that, I felt disgusted. Disgusted at myself, at him, at the situation entirely. He did apologize the next day, and luckily, he wasn’t a part of my life for much longer.

To this day, I get uncomfortable when a man compliments me for my physical attributes. I can’t help but connect what they say to some of the things that have happened to me.

So, when you talk about Trump’s behavior and what he said as “locker room talk,” you’re being naïve. I have no doubt in my mind that he has actually taken action against women. I have no doubt in my mind that he has done what he was “bantering” about. He’s disgusting.

You can sit here and talk about what Bill Clinton has or hasn’t done or all the terrible things that Hillary might be guilty of, but when you are handed a confession from the horse’s mouth… don’t try to deny that it’s there. And don’t try to make it seem like just because others have done bad things, that it forgives Trump for what he’s done.

It’s not locker room talk. It’s sexual assault. Donald Trump was admitting openly to sexually assaulting women. Maybe he got away with it because he was rich, but that doesn’t mean those women wanted any part of him near them. Fear and intimidation would be enough to keep them quiet.

If you want to sit here and tell me it was 11 years ago, fantastic. I want you to go find a rape victim from 11 years ago. I want you to ask them how they feel about what happened to them. These are not just words that he was saying. He is giving you a window into who he truly is.

He’s that guy in the bar that grabbed my butt. He’s the coworker that followed me to my room. He’s my other coworker who tried to rape me during working hours. He is a disgusting pig who should not be allowed to be President.

Don’t start with the “but Hillary.” This isn’t about her. I’m not supporting her in this post. I am not comparing him to her. This is about him. This is about the fact that there is no limit to this man’s depravity. I hate to even refer to him as a man, as it’s an insult to his gender.

I don’t care if you don’t vote for Hillary Clinton, but if you vote for Donald Trump, you are perpetuating a society that allows rapists like Brock Turner to be set free after serving only 3 months for raping a girl—a case that had two witnesses.

So, tell me again about this locker room banter. Tell me again about how women take things like this too seriously. Tell me again how we are going to explain our decision not only to the world, but to every female who lives, or who has yet to live. These are not just words. He is showing you who he truly is. Don’t be blind to it simply because your hate of the other party’s candidate.

If you vote for Donald Trump, you are telling men all over the country that what they do to women, what has been done to me, is okay because they can still be successful no matter the destruction they reign down upon the women/people around them.

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